joke of the day

[mustangfury]

this joke is brought by ajokeaday.com


A guy gets into a taxi after a boozy night out and halfway through the journey wants to stop and buy cigarettes. He taps the driver on the shoulder and suddenly the driver screams, swerves across the road and mounts the sidewalk stopping just short of a brick wall.
All was quiet for a few moments and then the driver turns around and says "Don't EVER tap me on the shoulder whilst I'm driving EVER again". The guy says, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would scare you so much"
The driver replies, "It wouldn't normally but this is my first night as a taxi driver and up until yesterday, for twenty five years, I was driving a Hearse.

[Mr. Breeze]

A woman was talking with her friend, telling her how her boyfriend wasn't paying enough attention to her. Her friend told her to go out and buy some sexy lingerie. So she went out and found some crotchless panties. so she goes home, puts them on and waits. Her boyfriend comes home and she asks him" you want some of this" to which he replies, "hell no, look what it did to your drawers". :lol:

[Queball_Forum]

Good going mr. breeze I like your jokes

[mustangfury]

here is another one for those newly web..

The frugal man walked into the house panting and almost completely exhausted.
“What happened, Honey?” asked his wife.
“It’s a great new idea I have,” he gasped. “I ran all the way home behind the bus and saved 50 cents.” “That wasn’t to smart,” replied his wife.
“Why didn’t you run behind a taxi and save five dollars?”

[Mr. Breeze]

A priest was driving down the road when he saw a young boy on the side of the road playing with gasoline. The preist pulled over and approached the lad saying "son you shouldn't play with that, here take this holy water, one time I rubbed this on a pregnant womans belly and she passed a baby". "oh yeah" replied the boy. "Once I rubbed this on a cats ass and she passed a motorcycle". :lol:

[mustangfury]

that is a good one.. :lol:

[Mr. Breeze]

A man walks into a pub and sees a jar of money on the bar with a sign reading, " anyone who can make my horse laugh wins the money". The man asks the barkeep , " is thst for real", to which the barman affirms. the man asks to see the horse. "It's out back ", says the barkeep. The man walks out back and comes, after a minute he comes back in and grabs the jar. "hold on there", says the barman to which the man tells him to look out back. The barkeep comes back in and tells the man to take the money the horse is out there laughing up a storm. The man comes back the next day and the same thing only the sign reads " win the money if you can make my horse cry" The man goes out back and after a minute comes back in and grabs the jar. The bar keep says" wait a minute, don't tell me " and runs out back, sure enough the horse is bawling like a baby. The barkeep says to the man "how did you do it" and the man replied "The first time I told the horse I had a bigger **** than him, and the second time I showed him" :lol:

[13lackShadow]

:lol: Great jokes Breeze. Keep em coming.

[mustangfury]

here is another one.. :lol: brough to u from the good people of ajokeaday.com
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Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.