rickeypadgett
03-02-2006, 10:58 PM
The last one is my favorite.
EMBARRASSING PHYSICIAN EXPERIENCES
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
*****************
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths," instructed. "Yes, they used
to be," remorsed the patient
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
************************
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
*****************
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the
20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
the large E
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly
what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
********************
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I
asked. "The patch.The nurse told me to put on a new
one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
*******************
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about
twenty years -when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
******************
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
then asked
tosee the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY
Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
*****************
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed bright
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,
the surgeon wrote a short Note on the patient's
dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
********************
and finally...
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he
was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't admit his name
EMBARRASSING PHYSICIAN EXPERIENCES
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
*****************
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths," instructed. "Yes, they used
to be," remorsed the patient
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
************************
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
*****************
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the
20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
the large E
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly
what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
********************
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I
asked. "The patch.The nurse told me to put on a new
one every six hours and now I'm running out of places
to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
*******************
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about
twenty years -when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
******************
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I
then asked
tosee the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY
Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
*****************
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed bright
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,
the surgeon wrote a short Note on the patient's
dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
********************
and finally...
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he
was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling
you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't admit his name